Bethany House offers a safe haven to women escaping domestic abuse
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| Bethany House Executive Director Catherine Hassinger (left) and Gayan Peart, family assistance program manager. |
When Alexandra [not her real name] decided she could no longer
live with her abusive boyfriend after he beat her and threatened her with a gun,
she landed in a shelter. But after her time there was up, she had nowhere to
go.
live with her abusive boyfriend after he beat her and threatened her with a gun,
she landed in a shelter. But after her time there was up, she had nowhere to
go.
Luckily, a friend put her in touch with Bethany House of Northern Virginia, a
local organization that provides temporary housing and services to victims of
domestic violence and human trafficking.
local organization that provides temporary housing and services to victims of
domestic violence and human trafficking.
Through counseling and interactions with other women in the
program, Alexandra was able to resist pleas from her former boyfriend to get
back together and found the strength to heal and move on with her life. She’s
been accepted into a transitional housing program, her three young children are
thriving, she found a job, and she’s planning to go back to school.
That’s one of many success stories shared by Bethany House
Executive Director Catherine Hassinger during a recent visit to the group’s
headquarters in Lincolnia.
Executive Director Catherine Hassinger during a recent visit to the group’s
headquarters in Lincolnia.
A new start
Anyone in an abusive relationship or concerned about a
friend, family member, or co-worker is encouraged to call the Bethany House
helpline (703-658-9500). The organization places women who’ve been victims of abuse
and their children in emergency housing for up to four months—along with access
to counselors, employment assistance, and other services.
friend, family member, or co-worker is encouraged to call the Bethany House
helpline (703-658-9500). The organization places women who’ve been victims of abuse
and their children in emergency housing for up to four months—along with access
to counselors, employment assistance, and other services.
Bethany House has 25 beds in various locations in Northern
Virginia. Some clients are placed in congregate housing arrangements or in
a rented room in a single-family house. In the group homes—including one
proposed for Mason District—everyone gets their own bedroom while they share a
kitchen and living room. A staff person also lives there.
Virginia. Some clients are placed in congregate housing arrangements or in
a rented room in a single-family house. In the group homes—including one
proposed for Mason District—everyone gets their own bedroom while they share a
kitchen and living room. A staff person also lives there.
Bethany House works hard to keep its clients and the places
where they live confidential, so their former spouses or boyfriends can’t bother
them. People who live close by are notified, however. “We try to be good
neighbors,” Hassinger says.
where they live confidential, so their former spouses or boyfriends can’t bother
them. People who live close by are notified, however. “We try to be good
neighbors,” Hassinger says.
Most clients are from Fairfax County, but Bethany House also
serves people throughout the region, including D.C. and Maryland. Victims come
from all backgrounds. Bethany House has helped diplomats’ wives and
professional women, as well as those at the lower end of the income spectrum.
serves people throughout the region, including D.C. and Maryland. Victims come
from all backgrounds. Bethany House has helped diplomats’ wives and
professional women, as well as those at the lower end of the income spectrum.
One of the major reasons women find it so hard to leave abusive husbands
or boyfriends is because they are financially dependent on them. “We work hard with clients to help them develop self-sufficiency, so they
don’t have to choose between safety and food,” Hassinger says.
or boyfriends is because they are financially dependent on them. “We work hard with clients to help them develop self-sufficiency, so they
don’t have to choose between safety and food,” Hassinger says.
Employment counseling is crucial to help clients move
forward. Some of them had to quit their jobs for their own safety. And others were
barred from working by overly controlling abusers.
forward. Some of them had to quit their jobs for their own safety. And others were
barred from working by overly controlling abusers.
During their stay in temporary shelters, Bethany House
counselors help clients who have jobs find a safe, affordable, permanent place to live. When that’s not
possible, they find transitional housing through various organizations like Homestretch,
Christian Relief Services, or Cornerstones.
counselors help clients who have jobs find a safe, affordable, permanent place to live. When that’s not
possible, they find transitional housing through various organizations like Homestretch,
Christian Relief Services, or Cornerstones.
Counseling is provided to victims’ children, too, Hassinger
says. “The goal is to break the intergenerational cycle of abuse. We don’t
want them to become a victim or abuser.”
says. “The goal is to break the intergenerational cycle of abuse. We don’t
want them to become a victim or abuser.”
For years, Bethany House raised funds to support its
services with a successful thrift shop, Joseph’s Coat, on Annandale Road. When
that shopping strip was torn down, the store was relocated to Columbia Pike in Annandale,
but it only lasted about a year. “Unfortunately, we were not able to recapture
our customer base. It just was not going to be feasible for us,” Hassinger says.
services with a successful thrift shop, Joseph’s Coat, on Annandale Road. When
that shopping strip was torn down, the store was relocated to Columbia Pike in Annandale,
but it only lasted about a year. “Unfortunately, we were not able to recapture
our customer base. It just was not going to be feasible for us,” Hassinger says.
The organization has no plans to open another thrift shop,
but is able to raise enough funds to keep going through donations, benefit events and
other means. That’s crucial, because the problem of domestic violence isn’t
going away.
but is able to raise enough funds to keep going through donations, benefit events and
other means. That’s crucial, because the problem of domestic violence isn’t
going away.
A widespread problem
According to Hassinger, domestic abuse is far more common
than the statistics indicate. Many victims don’t come forward because they don’t
want to get their abuser into trouble or they’re afraid of retaliation.
than the statistics indicate. Many victims don’t come forward because they don’t
want to get their abuser into trouble or they’re afraid of retaliation.
One in four women will experience some level of violence in
their life from a husband or boyfriend, she says. Every day in the United
States, three women are killed by a partner.
their life from a husband or boyfriend, she says. Every day in the United
States, three women are killed by a partner.
In Fairfax County, domestic violence was the leading cause
of homicide in 2010, according to the Fairfax County Domestic Violence Fatality
Review Team’s 2013 Annual Report. Forty-four percent of homicides in the county
were related to domestic violence.
of homicide in 2010, according to the Fairfax County Domestic Violence Fatality
Review Team’s 2013 Annual Report. Forty-four percent of homicides in the county
were related to domestic violence.
Bethany House sees victims of physical, emotional, verbal,
and sexual abuse, as well as women subject to “hyper control” by men who
restrict where they go, what they wear, and who they talk to.
and sexual abuse, as well as women subject to “hyper control” by men who
restrict where they go, what they wear, and who they talk to.
Beginning in 2008 when the economy started declining,
Hassinger says financial abuse increased as families felt more stress. In many
of those cases, a woman’s partner took her paycheck or restricted her access to
the family’s money.
Hassinger says financial abuse increased as families felt more stress. In many
of those cases, a woman’s partner took her paycheck or restricted her access to
the family’s money.
Stalking has become more prevalent, as technology is making it
easier. If a woman is concerned about being tracked down after leaving an
abusive relationship, Bethany House helps her develop a safety plan.
easier. If a woman is concerned about being tracked down after leaving an
abusive relationship, Bethany House helps her develop a safety plan.
Women are warned to keep their new location a secret, change
their daily routine, have their children transfer to new schools, get rid of
their family phone plan, and never answer the phone. Sometimes Bethany House helps
women relocate to another state.
their daily routine, have their children transfer to new schools, get rid of
their family phone plan, and never answer the phone. Sometimes Bethany House helps
women relocate to another state.
“All this is overwhelming to clients,” Hassinger acknowledges.
“Leaving opens a lot of doors but it also means they have to leave a lot of
baggage behind.”
“Leaving opens a lot of doors but it also means they have to leave a lot of
baggage behind.”
According to Hassinger, 84 percent of clients are abuse-free
two years after they’ve been helped by Bethany House.
two years after they’ve been helped by Bethany House.
Getting to that point is a struggle for many of them,
however. Women tend to go back to their abusers an average of seven times
before agreeing to leave permanently, she says. The first 30 days are uncertain,
as many of them are pressured to go back and it’s difficult for them to face
the future on their own.
however. Women tend to go back to their abusers an average of seven times
before agreeing to leave permanently, she says. The first 30 days are uncertain,
as many of them are pressured to go back and it’s difficult for them to face
the future on their own.
Once they are able to see a way ahead without abuse, it’s
transformative. One client who carved out a new life for herself told
Hassinger, “I’ve never gone 30 days before without getting hit.”
transformative. One client who carved out a new life for herself told
Hassinger, “I’ve never gone 30 days before without getting hit.”
Thanks so much for this post, and for highlighting what a positive contribution this is to the community. Bethany House is in the process of growing, and I wanted to flag for you that they're encountering some pretty intense resistance from their neighbors. More here: http://www.belovedspear.org/2014/07/the-unwelcoming-neighborhood.html